An Ode to My Mom

 No, it's not Mother's Day.  Nor is it her birthday.  Just an ordinary day.  But, with a mother like mine, everyday is extraordinary.

There she is.  The one and only.  This woman, my mother, is a miracle worker.

She has always tried to teach me all of the important values that were instilled in her as a child.

Yet, signs of my rebellion started at an early age.

Look at me, barely out of the womb and already sitting on older boys' laps.

She taught me many of life's most important lessons:

"You can never be too safe."

"Exercise or you'll get fat."

"Don't rely on men to fix things."

"When in doubt, accessorize."

"When it comes to make-up, less is more."

"Humility is your best quality."

As I continued to grow, we grew further and further apart.

In highschool, I started hanging out with a baaaad crowd.

Look at us, throwing out gang symbols.

Once I joined the chess team, I really started to spiral out of control.

 But there was my mom, still by my side.

 Finally, that fateful day came when I went off to college and it was time to let go of her baby.

As we hugged goodbye, she told me to always remember:

 Liquor makes girls dance and drop their pants.

Despite all that wisdom inculcated in me from day one, I still find myself hanging on the occasional street corner.

Sorry Mom!